Dear Heaven Pt. 1

Sometimes, I ask myself how likely it is when it’s all said and done that I will find myself up there? I have not been perfect at all, and I know I have lost my way at times, but I have done my best. Of course, who’s to say what the “best” actually is? Sometimes, I find myself looking up at the sky and wondering if Grams and my Granddad are up there with all of the friends I have lost and everyone else’s loved ones. What’s it like up there? Do the people I have lost know what’s going on down here? Do they know what’s going on with me? Are they happy? Disappointed? Do they know how I truly feel in my heart? So many questions, yet, no answers will be found until my time comes. All I know is that there are alot of people I miss and I never stop thinking about them. I think about the friends I lost so many years ago as a teenager who were never able to grow into adulthood with me. I think about my Big Dad, Nana, my Grams, and Aunt Joyce who died before they were able to see me become an adult. You all were so proud of me. Sometimes, I want to apologize for falling off track because you all knew of my massive potential and I hope you all would still be proud even though I didn’t exactly reach it. I think about my Granddad, who was able to see me grow into an adult and witness my ups and downs, triumphs, and see me excel as a father. I just wish I could’ve brought AC so you could’ve met her at least once. I think about Maria’s Dad and Grandfather and wishing I could apologize to them for not being the best man I could be for her at first and hoping they can see the man I am now and knowing that I have promised them I will always take care of her, value her, and love her the way they would want her to be. I’ve made mistakes, but will never make those same mistakes ever again. I think about C Jones and just hoping that I could amount to half the man he was when we were teens. Hoping I have made him proud and lived life the way he would’ve... even though I know he wouldn’t have made half (or any) of the mistakes I made in life. I think about... I think about... just trying to be the best I can be and hoping it will be good enough to one day meet up again with the people I have loved and lost when that time comes.