Welcome To
I initially started “Stat’s World” some years ago because I wanted to do something I had never done before outside of music which is completely open myself up to the world and be public with how I really feel and felt at times. I have battled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Probably before I became a teenager. I would feel the highest of highs and also feel the lowest of lows. But, I never thought much of it because I just felt like it’s what kids go through so it is what it is. It wasn’t until I got well into my teenage years when I really started to feel it and I would lash out in anger over a lot of things. I had the worst time focusing in school and of course being told I was being “lazy” and not wanting to do my work was a “choice” hurt me worse because everyone knew how smart I was, but even I couldn’t really understand my feelings when it came to school and other aspects of life. I bottled all of my emotions and just acted like everything was “all good” when it wasn’t. Music always felt like my only escape from a reality and from people I didn’t want to deal with so I wrote and wrote. Raps, stories, just anything to escape what I didn’t want to deal with when it came to reality. I got into a lot of arguments with my parents over it brcause they were frustrated at how smart I was but it wasn’t showing up in the grades. But, explaining how I really felt sounded like more of a “dumb idea” than whatever excuses I came up with to tell them. It was thru 2Pac’s music where I felt like someone understood a little bit of how I was feeling. He spoke on a wide range of topics and a little of that mental health he spoke up on really stuck out with me. Some people get lost in alcohol and/or drugs, I got lost in music and writing.
The thing about dealing with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issue is that sometimes, you don’t want to be THAT person who people look at and go “should we invite them out? We don’t want them getting all sad and stuff.” “I want to hit this person up, but I don’t know how they may be feeling so nevermind.” People talk. People feel a certain type of way and as someone who has been semi-popular in circles and having tons of friends, I never wanted to make any of them look at me different or think different of me. I mean, it’s not like people had to deal with my depression and anxiety every single day. There were plenty of days I felt just fine, but on days I didn’t, I never wanted that day to define my relationship with anyone moving forward and potentially lose them.
I’ve always wanted to be someone who could some how “help” people in some way. I just never knew how until I decided to start “Stat’s World” and just decide to completely open myself up and not worry about what people say. I won’t lie though, even witing this now makes me a little on edge because I still have those moments of “but what if so and so reads this?” Well, at the end of the day, it is what it is. Several years ago, I had two people email me and thank me for the posts I made because they were able to relate to them and even though it was just two people, those were two people who felt a difference made because of me. So whether one person or one thousand people tune into Stat’s World, that’s still one more person I may have helped in some way by not keeping myself and my experiences boxed in.